Self Insertion?
by exeditor
Summary: I sometimes wonder about myself, and why I am a fan. This story is about that.
1. Chapter 1

"Eric? Eric!"

"Ugh," he moaned and looked over at his clock. "What mom?"

"It's eight o'clock," a voice called from the top of the stairs as unwanted light shined in his eyes.

"Shoot," he mumbled under his breath. "Mom, I don't work on Thursdays!" he called out.

"Oh, sorry honey, I wasn't thinking." The door to the basement shut, and his room was back to its usual dim-lit ambiance. He rolled over and tried to imagine something soothing. That didn't help at all, since thinking about falling back asleep was as productive as trying to force oneself to asleep by staring at a dark ceiling and screaming GO TO SLEEP in one's head.

Might as well finish chapter three, he thought. He got up, scratching at various itchy bits, and made his way to the computer. No pants for this man, he joked to himself. With a kerplunk, he flopped into his chair and leaned back. The Kim Possible screen saver he'd made was still running, a collection of HD screen caps from the fourth season.

He jiggled the mouse, and brought up DrakkensLament03.sxw; he began to reread it to get him back into the plot.

* * *

"You have foiled me for the blah, blah, blah!" Drakken cried. 

Kim Possible flipped over Shego's energy blasts and landed en pointe directly in front of him.

"So, are you saying this time you're getting foiled again?" she said coquettishly, flipping the Pan Dimensional Vortex Inducer out of his hands.

"What!? No! Give me that!" he shouted, yanking it back. Kim, surprised by his forcefulness, stared at her empty hands for a second before grabbing it back from him. He, in turn, grabbed it again. She yanked it back, then gently tossed it back into his grip with a smirk. Drakken immediately shoved it back into her hands.

"That... was pathetic," Shego said, lowering her hands from a striking position. "I-I can't even bring myself to help you this time."

"Wouldn't matter if you did," Kim said with a mule kick to Shego's midsection, and without even a glance behind her.

"Booya, way to go KP!" Ron cried. He headed towards Shego's limp body to handcuff the curvaceous but lethal sidekick.-

- when all of a sudden she leapt to her feet and knocked him across the room.

"Ron!" Kim cried.

"Mine!" Drakken shouted as he grabbed the suddenly oddly glowing PDVI back from her.

"Dr. D!" "KP!" Shego and Ron cried as the PDVI erupted into a cascade of glowing plasma that enveloped him and Kim Possible. As quickly as it had appeared, it abruptly dissipated leaving them alone in the underground lab.

* * *

"What...?" He peered at the screen, and leaned closer. "I didn't write that last part. What the hell is all this about the-?" 

In an instant, his room was filled with fluorescent blue light, growing in intensity until he could see the glow from behind his closed eyelids. Then it was gone. He opened his eyes.

A body lay on his unmade mattress on the floor. It had bright red hair. It was also wearing a black shirt and tan cargo pants. It was most assuredly female. And it was a cartoon.


	2. Chapter 2

Eric slowly moved towards the bed. The figure was motionless, but somehow he knew she was alive.

Her body was strange, no doubt about it. The oddly spherical head, the huge eyes, the impossibly thin waist... Her color, it was flat; it was as if she had no wrinkles, body hair, or even pores. Gingerly, he picked up her hand. No fingerprints. Perfectly flat, smooth skin. It was warm to the touch at least, so she was almost certainly-

"AHHHH!" The girl lurched up and back-flipped out of the bed with a cry. Eric fell backwards in surprise, knocking a DVD tower over as he scrambled to keep his footing.

"Who are you?!" the girl said. She had dropped into a fighting stance, and was eying him with a fierce glare. "Where am I?!"

"I- I'm Eric," he said.

Her eyes flared. "I, I mean Eric Schultz of Glendale, Arizona," he quickly added. "That's where you are by the way. I have a guess, but... Who are you?"

"_What_ are _you_?" she replied, finally noticing his appearance. She started backing away from him, a hint of fear beginning to form in her expression as she noticed the unfamiliarity of her surroundings.

"Well, human, like you," he said holding his hands out. "See? Five fingers, er, four fingers and a thumb."

He hesitated for a moment.

"Can we talk? Just, just calm down and talk for a second?"

She looked down. "Pants first."

* * *

"So, you're Kim Possible."

"Yes. Again, yes."

"Teen superhero, saves the world, sidekick Ron Stoppable?"

"Yes."

He stood up. "This is, this is... ridiculous. Look, you are not real, not that I wish you weren't real, but you are not part of this universe, you're, you're a figment of the imagination of some guy at Disney-"

"What's Disney?" she asked. He stared at her. Kim blinked, an angry yet perplexed expression on her face.

He sat down again. "Hoo boy. It's the company that created y-"

"I was not...," she sputtered, "...created! Stop saying that!" Kim leapt up, and paced around the room with her hands in knotted fists, occasionally beating one against her forehead. "This is worse than that time I was sucked into Drakken's TV set!"

"Hey, come on, don't..." Eric said as he reached out to her, then halted as she yanked her hand away glaring at him.

He sighed. "Look, how else do you explain how you look?"

"I don't know, I look normal. You're the freak," she snapped. "Sorry. That came out wrong."

He rubbed his forehead. _Think, think, think._

"Sandra," he said as he grabbed a shirt, sniffed it, and tugged it on.

"Can she help?" Kim said.

He shrugged. "She's a nursing student," he said as he scooped up a pair of baggy cargo pants and a hooded sweatshirt, "and unfortunately that's the closest I can come to a scientist. Also, a fan of your sh-, um, you." He tossed the clothes to Kim, who caught them and held them at arm's length like dead snakes.

"You got to stay covered, OK?" He noticed her expression. "Look, I swear they're from my clean pile alright? Wait here, I have to find some gloves too."

Outside and bundled up in his hoodie, Kim's only visible features was the bottom of her face. She gave him a forced smile, then tugged the hood forward shadowing what could be seen, and waited on the porch while he hurried over to the sidewalk. Spotting no-one, Eric waved. Kim hurried down the steps and met him at the street.

"Well," she said glancing around, the hoodie flopping back and forth, "Your lead."

"Um, well, we gotta walk since my mom has the car," he said.

"You're how old?" she said with a pitying expression.

"Thanks, I apreciate the boost to my ego," he replied, and tugged his jacket tighter. "Man, how's it so cold in Arizona? We're in the middle of a desert."

The walk was uneventful, save one close encounter with a homeless man who Kim gave some spare change to. He raised an eyebrow at the cartoon coins, but didn't seem to care after Eric quickly replaced it with a five spot. He hustled her along faster after that, worried that her altruistic nature might get them into trouble. Luckily, Sandra's apartment complex was close by.

Sandra's building hadn't seen better days, in so much as it hadn't been up to code when it was built in the first place. People were still allowed to live there since the neither the builder, the original developer, the new owner, nor the court had decided whether to tear it down and risk lawsuits from the tenants over displacement, or leave it standing and risk lawsuits from the residents over shoddy construction. Though Eric had often pestered her to get a new place she stayed since it was close to school.

"Sandra?" Eric pounded on her door. It was suppose to be a gated complex, but the gate hadn't worked since it opened. Kim peered around at the broken-down cars in nearly every parking spot.

"What?!" Sandra shouted as she slammed the door open in her underwear. "Eric? I ain't holding, whaddya want?"

"Nursing student?" Kim said dryly.

"Who the hell?" Sandra said, her broader shoulders pushing Eric aside, then raising her eyebrows in surprise. "Damn, you finally got a girlfriend? So, you want rubbers, but you're scared your moms'll find them, right?"

Kim's mouth dropped.

"No! Jeez, no!" Eric said waving his hands. "Look, you got some needles right?"

"Yeah...? Why?"

"...Kim, just show her," he said. Making sure no one else was around, Kim quickly her hood down. Sandra stared in confusion for a second or two, then grinned.

"And she cosplays too? Man, you did luck out," she said. "Come on in, and don't mind the snoring, it's just some sorostitute I picked up on Mill Ave last night."

"Shoot, look, we have to do this quick," Eric said. "She won't wake up anytime soon, will she?"

"No." Sandra gave Eric a questioning look.

"Look at her. I mean, really look at her," Eric said as he gestured at Kim.

Sandra leaned in and examined Kim. Her eyes grew wide as realization took hold. She turned to Eric.

"OK, this is some sort of joke right?"


End file.
